Echoing Memories of Music

recounting the impact music has on our memories

5–8 minutes

When my son was 5 months old, before I was misdiagnosed with bipolar 2 disorder, I lived with a friend from high school and her husband and baby. At this point, the scars from high school weren’t healed yet, practically scabs, as I had just graduated 2 years prior. One of the things that I relied on in times of stressful motherly duties and a practically absent baby daddy was music. Yet, even that caused me distress, as the songs brought me back to times of depression and helplessness.

One night while smoking outside with my friend and her husband, I expressed how it was hard to listen to my music when it only brought sorrow.

Her husband told me, “You need to make new happy memories with those songs, then you won’t have negative feelings with them anymore.” This sounded ridiculous to me. I would make so many excuses for this not to work, crying in my room every time Thanks for the Memories came on. Now, I’m not going to explain how this works and it’s simple to do. In fact, I argue “time” is a better healer than replacing memories.

The power of music

Negative emotions

It’s crazy to think the CDs I burned from middle school still bring me back to that moment and feeling. I recently just bought a record player that quadruples as a cassette/CD player and radio. With this, I can revisit those feelings and flashbacks from middle school and high school, whether good or bad.

I don’t do this often, as I’m afraid too much repetition will lose the effect. However, listening to music from the past does have some negative effects mentally, as it hinders its state temporarily until I’m able to ground myself back to reality and present day.

If you’re like me, I would use caution when going back to the past. You may not like what you see or feel. This could severely damage any progress you have made on yourself, at least temporarily.

On the other side of things, repetition can help alleviate negative attachment to the songs. Because of this, I no longer hear Thanks for the Memories and feel like I’m drowning in the pits of despair. The memory is still there but not the emotions attached, which is a lot easier to manage, in my opinion. Though, I do keep some songs with a sprinkle of crippling depression for those emergency crying sessions.

For example:

I don’t know if this song was meant to have positive feelings behind it, and because of that, it will always be one of those songs I blast in my car if I’m especially PO’ed with my husband, which is exactly when I heard the song in 2023. Needless to say, it’s one of those songs I wish to keep the emotion behind. It’s what makes the song so powerful after all.

Example #2:

March 2022 is when I discovered this song in the most grueling time in my life. I’ve listened to it on repeat to get rid of the feeling. And while it doesn’t make me bawl anymore by just hearing the chorus, it does make me melancholy. Most times, I skip this song altogether, but it’s too beautiful to pass by sometimes.

positive emotions

Of course, we all want to keep those special memories and feelings to particular songs. Though I’ve listened to these songs so much, I still think of the memories, which instinctively bring back the emotions. But wait- why does repetition diminish the negative emotions but not the positive ones?

The simple answer: it diminishes any emotions associated eventually. However, our brains are so powerful that we can bring back those emotions if wanted, even the negative ones. But, who would want bring back negative emotions casually?

For example:

I discovered this song during spring of 2019, when I was dealing with major depression at my first duty station. Though I’ve played this song too many times to count, it will always instill feelings of hope and progress, with rays of sunshine and a light breeze hitting my face as I drive around post with my windows down. No matter how many times I hear it, that memory and those senses always appear.

Example #2:

I heard this song on the radio driving to Joann’s, fall of last year (2023). Fall is always a rough time for me, but what makes up for it is Halloween, my favorite holiday. So now, every time I hear this song, it makes me think of driving home from buying a bunch of Halloween decorations.

Potent Melodies

There are certain songs that fill us with nostalgia, especially of an influential moment in our lives. These are songs that you hear and will always look back to with fondness.

“It makes me think of you”

Despite what the song is about, this makes me think of my son. Because my son is my offspring and listens to whatever I listen to, he likes a lot of my music, so naturally, he likes this one too. He told me one day that he thinks of me every time he hears this song. Him and I both love the sound of a piano, so any song with piano in it reminds me of him. There are quite a bit of songs that makes me think of him (i.e., La Foule, Cover Me in Sunshine, Granny’s House), but this one has more memories.

Basic Training was His plan

Believe it or not, when I first heard this song, I couldn’t stand it. It came on while we were in a bus on the way back from the range. Everyone was belting the song, and it was the one time the drill sergeants didn’t yell at us to be quiet. After some years, I watched the music video and listened to the song in its entirety, soon becoming a fan. Now, I use this song as my hype song when I’m in an especially good mood.

Our song

Funny story with this song. For a premise, no man I’ve dated has ever liked my music. There we were, me and my husband, driving tipsy on the way to McDonald’s (don’t do this, kids) after our first ever date. We stayed up all night, drinking beer and playing board games, when I proposed we get something to eat. The first McD’s we went to wasn’t open yet (it was 5:30am), so we drove to the next town over. While we waited in the drive-thru line, this song came on. No one talked while the song was playing, and when it was over, he asked to replay it. Since then, we refer to this song as “our song.” Well, this one and Stuck in the Middle by Tai Verdes.

A 20+ year broken friendship

This song always brings me back to my first long-term friendship with a girl I met in 4th grade. This song always brings me back to the beginning of our friendship during 2004-2005. I wrote a short story in letter form (Somewhere Only We Know) if you are more interested in how it ended.